THE REPOSITORY
Our meticulously formulated blends have been developed through years of clandestine research. Each variety serves a specific purpose in the grand design.
What you are about to view represents the culmination of decades of research that mainstream botanical science has deliberately ignored. Our network of field agents has risked everything to bring these formulations to the public.
Each blend undergoes rigorous testing in our secure facilities before being cleared for distribution. The truth is in the leaf.
SCARLET OMEN
CODENAME: Red Blend
Harvested under the BLOOD MOON by our secret agents. The government DOESN'T WANT YOU to experience this level of relaxation!
FOREST ARCANA
CODENAME: Green Blend
Contains the ESSENCE of ancient forest spirits. Each leaf is whispered to by our CERTIFIED PLANT PSYCHICS before harvesting!
SPECTRAL VEIL
CODENAME: White Blend
Cultivated in ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELDS to enhance its natural properties. May cause TEMPORARY CLAIRVOYANCE in sensitive individuals!
GOLDEN SIGIL
CODENAME: Yellow Blend
Encoded with ANCIENT SYMBOLS visible only under specific wavelengths of light. Each batch is BLESSED by our resident conspiracy theorist!
MAGNA MIXTVRA
CODENAME: Full Spectrum Blend
Our most POWERFUL blend, combining ALL KNOWN DIMENSIONS of Kratom experience. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART or government agents!
MIDNIGHT PROTOCOL
CODENAME: Red/Green Blend
Harvested only during the WITCHING HOUR when the veil between worlds is thinnest. May cause users to speak in ANCIENT TONGUES!
IMPORTANT NOTICE
Despite our unhinged branding, we're DEADLY SERIOUS about quality. Our Kratom is pure, small-batch, ethically harvested, and lab-tested. THE CONSPIRACY ENDS WHERE QUALITY BEGINS!
All products are for adults 18+ and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.